Pick a Number
by Chibi-Yomi
Summary: SLASH Eddie and Marvin are forced into an experiment by Zaphod that gives them new bodies. COMPLETE
1. Talk to Me

**Title**: Pick a Number  
**Author**: Chibi Yomi  
**Rating**: PG  
**Warning**: Slash. Given the concept of the story there has got to be OOCness but I'll try to keep that to a low. There is one OC, but he's really insignificant.  
**Pairing**: Marvin/Eddie unrequited, some Ford/Arthur and Zaphod/Trillian  
**Summary**: Eddie and Marvin are forced into an experiment by Zaphod that gives them new bodies.  
**Disclaimer**: Given the infinite amount of dimensions, surely in one of them I am the creator of this book, however this isn't the one.

Author's Note: Wow, this is a lot longer than I meant for it to be. It's not complete yet so if you hate chapters then stop reading now. Please note that while I am trying to copy Douglas Adams' style, I'm not very good at it. So it will be more my writing style. Takes place nowhere in particular, however an allusion to _Restaurant at the End of the Universe_ is made.

* * *

The _Heart Of Gold_ was performing its usual runs throughout the galaxy at improbable speeds covering improbable distances. Zaphod walked on the bridge and collapsed in the captain's chair. Or at least, what he had previously declared as the captain's chair and no one cared enough to argue with him. The other crew members on the bridge were Marvin, who was sitting in his corner which undoubtedly had his imprint in it, and Ford, who was staring intently at the control panel hoping that if he stared long enough he would know how it worked. 

Zaphod reflected on the activities of the past few...days? Weeks? Months? Seeing how they were traveling through space, which has no time, it was hard to say how long the activities had been going on. Choosing a different form of measurement, he reflected on the activities of the past 80 drinking induced passing outs. Hardly surprisingly, most of the activities included drinking and passing out.

He moved his left head in the direction of Ford while the right one leaned against one arm while another scratched it. "Ford," he mumbled, "how are we doing for cash?"

It took Ford a while to respond, mainly due to the fact that he was unwilling to loose the battle he was having with the control panel. "Ok I think."

Marvin looked up. "Hardly. With the way you've been going to every pub, I'm amazed you haven't had to sell the ship. But, what do you care what I think." Releasing all tension he had in his neck to support his head being up, Marvin looked down again.

A now worried Zaphod checked the ship's funds. "Damn, the kid's right. We need money and we need it fast."

Not looking up from the control panel Ford asked, "What's the hurry?"

Zaphod had now rested his left forehead on his hand. "I'm beginning to sober up, and you would not believe the head aches this cat gets." There was a pause where Trillian would have sighed and shook her head if she was there. "So... where's the monkey?"

"He passed out on the floor in one of the halls. It was irritating to step over him, so I dragged him to the cabin that I believe he has taken has his own. Why?" Ford had given up with the control panel. Clearly with all these distractions, there was no way he was going to unlock its secrets.

"It's good to know where Monkeyman is, so you know all the places he isn't, and therefore the damage he can and can't do." He moved a bit and was now resting his left chin on his hand. It seemed that his right head had fallen asleep. "So, what are we going to do about money?"

"I suppose we could try and find work."

"Ford, we're on a stolen ship. We're wanted men, I'm more wanted than the rest of you of course, and in more ways, but we all have prices on our heads."

"Then there isn't much we can do, unless we start to rob people."

"Not a bad idea...Or maybe if we disguised ourselves they wouldn't know it was us and we could get jobs."

The silence that followed told tales of two men from somewhere in the general area of Betelgeuse trying to think of ways to make money. It also in an even quieter voice spoke of a robot that was planning out his elaborate plans to kill everyone if he even had the proper motivation which he never would. The tales, as told by silence, continued for something like an hour before the overly-happy voice of Eddie rang clear throughout the bridge.

"Hi there! This is Eddie speaking, feeling great as always. We have arrived at the bar orbiting Wariganosh. Would you like to stop here in your never-ending quest to visit every place that does or might sell alcohol, Mr. Beeblebrox?"

For once, Zaphod was happy to hear the voice of the ship's computer. "Yeah, sure." Without a doubt, after a few drinks he would know how to make money so he could continue his never-ending quest to visit every place that does or might sell alcohol.

Bars or restaurants orbiting planets are highly common in the universe. It can be compared to a road-side gas station or very run down truck stop that sells food not entirely poisonous, fulfills the same purpose as one in a more residential area, but does not even begin to compare in quality. This is a very easy concept to understand, unless you happen to have just woken-up after passing out due to drinking and aren't even in the right frame of mind to remember your favorite beverage.

Such was the state of Arthur Dent.

"Ford…what's that drink that I like? I'm relatively certain that it is supposed to be served hot, and I think it goes well with biscuits." Arthur mumbled as he entered the bridge. He had managed to find the bridge by going through every other corridor on _The Heart of Gold_ only to find that none of them were the bridge.

"Never mind that Monkeyman!" Zaphod sprung out of his chair which disturbed the slumber of his right head. To show its contempt, his right head glared menacingly at his left one, which didn't seem to notice. "We have just located a bar, and you know what that means."

Sadly, Zaphod couldn't figure out that if Arthur couldn't even remember the word "tea" the chances that he could figure out what a bar meant were slim. Fortunately enough, Ford did. Or, regardless of whether or not he did, he told Arthur. "Drinking! A fine time of wine, women, and song! With any luck, more women than song and more wine than women!"

Had Arthur been given time to let this sink in, he would have protested and commented about bars not being able to fly and wondered how he got there, but, he didn't get the chance. His upper arm was grabbed by Ford who lead him out of the ship and into the bar, following Zaphod.

The bridge was now empty save for the robot crammed in the corner and the computer.

"Hi there! This is E-"

"Yes, Eddie, I know." Marvin interrupted, more from his complete disinterest in hearing the rest of the statement than the fact that he already knew who it was.

"So…we're all alone…" The following pause was strategically placed for Marvin to comment, however it seemed that the planned conversation was not going to take effect so Eddie was force to improvise. "Why do fleshy beings like alcohol so much?"

This strategic pause actually fulfilled its purpose. "How would I know? They drink so they can be happy and then they die."

If Eddie had a head, he would have used this moment to shake it, but being a computer, he had no head and therefore found himself handicap in this area. This wouldn't have been a problem had this not been the one response Eddie could think of, but it was, so their conversation fell flat. The period of awkward silence was never to be since Trillian entered the bridge where the silence would have gone.

"Where is everybody?" she asked. The question was directed toward Eddie since he knew the location of all personnel onboard the ship, but, she was looking at Marvin when she asked.

Marvin looked up with the only expression he had and ever would have, but Trillian some how knew that this time the expression meant "At a bar, where else," and even if she hadn't, Eddie told her.

"They went to the bar orbiting Wariganosh."

"Even Arthur?"

Marvin's same expression now said "Yes, now go away."

"Arthur…ah the tea drinking one!" Ever since that incident with the Nutri-o-matic, Arthur was forever implanted in the ship's computer as "the tea drinking one." Quite incidentally, at this moment, Arthur had remembered the word "tea", his personal victory was in vain as after his next drink he was going to forget it again. "Yes, he's with them."

Trillian gave an aggravated sigh. "I suppose I'll go get them before they put us in the poor house." She walked off the bridge and then off the ship.

Marvin might have pointed out that there was no point in stopping them since they were already beyond help, but felt that Trillian could find out by herself.

"So…we're all alone again…"

Strategic pause.

"…I'm leaving" Marvin had no desire to talk to Eddie, or anyone for that matter.

"If you want…but you'd have to pass through all those doors."

Marvin considered his options several hundred times in mere seconds. The final result was him dropping to the floor…

"So! What do you want to talk about? …Marvin? …Marvin? …."

…And shutting down.

A/N: So what did you think? Questions? Comments? Flames? Freezes? My pathetic explanation for the title is that it's a line that both Eddie and Marvin say in relationship to the ultimate question in the universe. I loaned out the first book, so I can't prove it.


	2. Here Comes the Plot Device

A/N: Huttah! Second chapter! Thank you for all you're lovely reviews!

Kiwi: Thank you. The doors actually wind up with a surprisingly large part in the story. Not that large, but considering that they're doors...

HurriCanine: Marvin/Eddie all started with an English assignment involving bringing in our favorite love poem/song. I brought it "Marvin I Love You" and was constantly asked who was singing it so I said "Eddie." I'm glad you liked my art, I'll try to put more up soon

Vogon Jeltz: Thank you. I'm trying to update weekly, but I have something to do this week end so this update's early and another might be later.

Tomo223: Thanks! Are you sure there's a lot more funny stuff to come?

Spphreak: I'm glad you're enjoying it. H2G2 is such a small fandom, it's sometimes hard to get your slash fix.

* * *

As everyone knows, the more alcohol you drink, the more people want to talk to you. However, everyone shows this desire in a different way. The "hard to get" talker will walk away and say "stop following me," in an effort to get you to engage in conversation. The "cold shoulder" talker will completely ignore you so you don't feel that you're missing their side of the conversation. And the "foreign" talker will not speak your language and not have a babel fish so that you have to speak louder and slower to make sure they understand you. But, no matter how they show it, everyone wishes to hear what you have to say after having had five or more drinks.

Zaphod was determined to prove this true. He had walked around the bar, stopping to talk to everything that he knew to be female or strongly suspected of being female. Some were nice and told him to leave before they did unpleasant things to his favorite organ. Others were nicer and gave him free beer. However, they seemed to not know that he didn't drink by absorbing fluid through his skin, so they poured the drinks on him.

Growing tired from his constant female, or probably female, attention, he sat at the bar after making a statement that all ladies could form a line and he would get back to them after a drink or seven.

"Man, it's so hard to keep the ladies off me," said Zaphod's right head. His left one was winking at what he suspected to be the line of women who wanted to talk to him.

"Yes, I can see that," said the man next to him. He was fairly humanoid with saucer-sized eyes that never blinked, and he was almost completely bald with just enough hair that he was technically balding.

Zaphod might have considered that sarcasm if he was sober enough to register it as such. "Yeah, I mean, I try to get a drink and they're all, 'Oh Zaphod-baby, could you dance with me one more time?' And, normally I'd say yes, but at the moment I really just want to drink."

"Yes, of course." He seemed to be the type of person that found it amusing to hear what drunken people had to say.

"So…what're….what're you doing here?" The way Zaphod said this suggested that he had known this person since they were children, they had been the best of friends in school and he wanted to check up on how things had been since then.

"Looking for someone."

"Ah…who?" The tone now suggesting that he was referring to a cheerleader that the man had always had his eye on back in the day.

"Not anyone in particular--"

"Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say-no-more." Zaphod was giving the man a drunken grin that might have been implying something but the message was unclear due to the sheer drunkenness of it.

"Err no…not like that. I'm looking to see if there's anyone who will allow me to perform certain services for money."

With the same grin on his face, Zaphod responded. "Well, I'm sure you could find many people willing to allow you to perform 'services' in exchange for money."

"No no! Not like that! I would be the one paying them!"

"Are you really that bad?"

"Wait, I see my error, let me start again. I'm looking for people willing to let me perform mechanical services in exchange for money."

"Well, I can see why you're paying them now." Zaphod scooted over.

"NOT THAT KIND OF SERVICE!"

"Well, what other kind is there?"

"Repair! Repair service! Zarqon! You've got two heads and not a brain between them!"

Just as Zaphod was about to take offense, his next drink showed up and he forgot the meaning of the word.

"So, a repair service. What are you repairing and why are you paying?"

"Well, not so much 'repairing' as 'altering'."

"Ok…'altering'. What are you 'altering' and why are you paying?"

"Glad you asked! I'm working on ship-computer separation."

"What?"

"Ship-computer separation. That way you can know the status of your ship no matter where you are since the computer is with you. It's really simple. You create a body for the computer, then transfer all the memories from the computer into the body. But, here's the tricky part. You then have to create a link between the external body and the ship. It's not so much tricky as it is annoying…"

Not being interested, Zaphod used this time to draw stick figure versions of himself and Trillian engaged in interesting activities.

Well, you know what they say, speak of the devil. . .And tonight, Trillian will be playing the

part of the devil. To prove this true, Trillian put her hand on Zaphod's shoulder and said, "What are you doing?"

One of his heads looked at her while the other checked his surroundings to find the answer to the question. A guy that seemed to be talking to him, half a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, and some obscene doodle.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Perhaps I could help. My name is Chabok. I was telling your friend about a service I'm offering. Perhaps you would be interested."

Zaphod was too drunk to have pride and started to giggle. Trillian took this as a bad sign. "Err…no that's ok."

"For the last time! MECHANICAL service! You know! Robots! Androids! Ships! Services for them!"

Zaphod placed both heads on the counter and continued to laugh like a madman.

"Oh! Hmmm…" Trillian began, having mentally smacked herself for listening to the implications of a drunken Zaphod. "What form of mechanical service?"

Chabok gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I'm conducting a ship-computer separation test. Other tests as well, external sensors, androids, those sorts of things. Interested? There's money for participants."

"Well, there's something we need… I suppose I could show you the ship and robot and you could see whether or not they'd be good subjects for the experiment."

"Yes, very good. Shall we go?"

Zaphod downed what remained of his drink and proudly stood up and slung an arm around Trillian so he wouldn't fall. "Let us march! To the ship! The line of ladies will have to wait!" His right head turned to the bartender, "Just send all my expenses to Mr. Ford Prefect if you will."

Ecstatically, he lead the group to the Heart of Gold.

Trillian would have to ask him about the "line of ladies" later.

* * *

A/N: I'm not too happy with the dialogue in this chapter. Seriously, Zaphod laughing at "service"? Even if drunk, I think I made him OOC. Anyway, please leave a review. 


	3. And She Was All: Blah Blah Blah

A/N: Woo! Third chapter! This was originally two chapters but, it was a little too short that way so, combo time! Also, I feel the need to mention that while there is some Ford/Arthur there isn't much. This story is mainly about Eddie and Marvin (though they've barely been in it so far). So while there will be SOME Ford/Arthur and I will try to include more of it, there won't be a lot. Sorry. To make it up I'll try to put some nice Ford/Arthur art up in my Deviant Art account. (Sadly I haven't had much time to get to a scanner...)

HurriCanine: I love responding to reviews. I feel that it let's the reviewer know that I care. I understand what your saying. Don't worry, I won't rush the story, if anything it seems that I'll slowly and painfully drag out the story and pray that it's funny enough that no one minds.

Yukari: My dear friend, Yukari. Given that you explained your comment to me, I feel very safe in saying you're complaining about a chapter that hasn't been posted yet.

Vogon Jelts: Maybe I was being too harsh on myself. I'm glad you liked the dialogue. Since you asked so nicely, I wrote more

* * *

Neko-Neko-San: Yes, Zaphod does indeed rock. I know many people who'd snicker at "service" it's just a matter of how long they'd do it. I have a friend who sold her soul to Marvin, or so it would seem. 

"Well, this is it," Trillian said to Chabok after they had finished guiding Zaphod to his quarters. A difficult task, as Zaphod kept insisting that he was in perfect condition to show the "servicing man" around the ship. He proved his point by falling straight asleep after being shoved onto his bed.

"Wait…This ship…it's the _Heart of Gold_!" Chabok said in amazement, his already enormous eyes becoming larger. "This is a stolen ship!"

"I suppose it is…" Trillian had completely forgotten that the ship was stolen, she had grown so used to it being theirs.

"But that won't be a problem, will it?" Ford's voice came crashing in. He was actually responding to something Arthur had said.

"Won't be a problem! This ship has an improbability drive! That thing is barely tested! This ship could disappear before it even existed and take us with it!" Chabok ranted.

"What is he talking about? Who is he, even?" Ford was slightly aggravated after having to pay for not only his drinks, but Zaphod's and Arthur's as well. Arthur assured him that once he got the correct form of currency, he would pay him back. But, Arthur wasn't in the state to make such deals, as he was currently gripping Ford's arm so the floor wouldn't trip him.

"Ford, Arthur, this is Chabok. We met him at the bar. He's conducting experiments on machines and he said he'd pay anyone who wished to volunteer," explained Trillian

"Well, yes, I did say that…but I didn't realize your ship was STOLEN! Or had an improbability drive! This is complete madness!"

"Look at it this way. You experiment with new technologies. An improbability drive is just one of those technologies for which you're experimenting with. Should the experiment go out of hand and wipe you and everything else off the face of existence it won't matter since we will have never existed. Therefore, you have nothing to lose. And as for the stolen part, well, something things have to be stolen in order for other things to happen. Just think about being the first uh…individual to successfully have a ship computer-external computer link with an improbability drive." It was now very apparent that Trillian really wanted the money.

"Hmm…yes…that could work. So I get all the fame and glory, and you get the money and aren't ratted out to the police?"

"Yes… Well, that or we're wiped off existence or something."

"Agreed." They shook hands on the deal.

"Ok, shall we go to the bridge?" Trillian lead Chabok to the bridge.

As they walked, Arthur thought that the floor was trying to trip him again and clung to Ford tighter.

"So here is Eddie. Oh, Marvin's here too, that's convenient," said Trillian to Chabok.

"Hi there! This is Eddie your shipboard computer and I'm feeling just great, guys! How can I be of service to you today?" Eddie's voice sang out.

"Eddie, Marvin, this is Chabok. He wishes to perform an experiment on you two."

"Really? What kind of experiment?"

"One involving giving you your own body," Chabok answered with pride.

"That's nice. Marvin already has his own body. What do you need him for?"

"A different experiment, one in external censors."

"Speaking of Marvin," said Trillian examining the robot, "he hasn't said anything this entire time. What's wrong with him?"

"Oh nothing. He just induced an idle state because he didn't want to talk to me," explained Eddie sweetly.

"Ah…When will he come out of it?"

"When his energy level is full again, so in fifteen seconds…fourte- thirt- twel- elev-ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three...two...one."

Being the predictable machines they were, once Eddie said "one," Marvin's eyes lit up.

"Good morning, Marvin! How was your idle state? This is Chabok. He wants to perform experiments on us!" Eddie said in the hyperactive way that makes you want to hit the speaker.

Marvin turned his head to look at Chabok. After doing so he let his head fall wherever gravity wanted it to go.

"Yes…you see it's an experiment with external censors so you could tell texture and temperature, that sort of thing."

"Really…You mean I wouldn't have to go out of my way to discover how damp and cold an area is."

Chabok stared at him with his large eyes. "Err...well…I suppose…but that really wasn't the point," Chabok had clearly never dealt with a depressed robot before. "… So…uhh… are you uhh...are you interested?"

"I have a choice? It doesn't matter. Go on, give me another ability that'll be reduced to people asking me if fire is really hot or if ice is really cold."

"Right... Uhh...Eddie, are you interested?" Chabok was eager to get away from depressed machinery to the more common annoyingly happy type.

"Decisions concerning the computer are directed to the captain of the ship."

"Zaphod is asleep. Doesn't that put me in temporary command?" Trillian asked

"The captain is temporarily unable to perform his duties, however this state of sleep is one from which he shall recover quickly. Therefore you are not in command." The happy tone of his voice was testing Trillian's patience.

"Eddie, just say yes."

"Decisions concerning the computer are directed to the captain of the ship."

"Fine! Eddie, open a communication link to Zaphod's room."

"Ok!" Eddie opened the requested link.

"ZAPHOD!" Trillian yelled into the intercom. The response was something which sounded entirely like some falling out of a bed due to sudden shock then hitting their head on some sort of table and screaming profanity.

"Zaphod, remember that guy you picked up at the bar?"

"Guy? What guy? I didn't pick up any guys! You must be thinking of Ford or most likely the monkey, cause this cat doesn't swing that way, babe!"

Trillian sighed, "No, not that way. You remember, the 'servicing man'?"

"Oh, right, him. Yeah, why?"

"Well, he needs your permission to do an experiment on Eddie."

"Heh. sure, whatever, can I go back to sleep?"

"Thank you. Yes."

"Will you be joining me?"

"Well, sweetie, I would, but there's some sort of 'line of ladies' outside your door and I just can't get past them."

"What? ...Oh...that...umm..." Zaphod had just proven to everyone on the bridge that he really was no good at relationships. "I'm sleeping alone, aren't I?"

"Yes."

"...Good night then..."

"Good night. Eddie, close the link." The link was closed. "Well then, Chabok, it would seem that you've got permission. You can start later. First I think we should all get some sleep." Trillian smiled.

Chabok nodded and led himself out of the ship.

* * *

A/N: The story actually starts next chapter! All this procrastinating is finally over with! There will be love! Humor! Tragedy! Ranting! More boring explanations about stupid things! And me, trying to play up the story. 


	4. Who Am I

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had to go to Florida. The plane ride over and Passover kinda made it hard to update any sooner. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

HurriCanine: No, I've never seen the TV show. Though I am on the constant look out for the episodes. The closest I've come to watching the television series is watching Dr. Who, which isn't that close. Thank you for the compliment

Neko-Neko-San: "External Sensors" actually means that I can't write technobabble very well. But, what I meant by it is that they're sensors on the outer most layer of the android which can sense various things. In the case of this story, texture and temperature. This chapter will make it more clear I hope.

Vogon Jelts: Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Stellaluna: Marvin's like you're mother? That must get a little irritating. I'm glad you like my story.

Scap: I'm happy that you enjoy my fic. Thank you

Chi1986: I love your art. Yes, Eddie/Marvin is a very interesting pairing, but Marvin in a relationship with anyone is interesting really.

Artemis Rowen: Since you asked so nicely for another chapter, here is it. I'm happy that my story pleases you.

* * *

The Guide has this to say about androids,

_As more and more species are discovered, it's harder to distinguish an android from a living being. Every attempt to make an android obviously non-living has been foiled by the discovery of a species with that appearance. Even the giant brand saying "I'm not living" was ruined by the natives of Lanten XII, who developed this mark to fool enemies._

_There have also been a few cases of wars started over an argument as to whether something was an android or a robot. The most famous case is the one on Grunter, which is famous more because the war was not stopped before it started. _

_The end result is that androids are made to look as real or fake as anyone pleases._

Eddie and Marvin were given humanoid bodies, which was to be expected if the crew of the_ Heart of Gold_ was going to consider them androids, and not simply robots. The mark to identify them was that they both had red eyes, which was a tribute to the fact that society had given up with trying to distinguish the inorganic from the organic.

They had been given nearly matching outfits, which were meant to be the uniforms of the intended crew of the _Heart of Gold_ but due to certain circumstances, the intended crew never got them. For most of the crew this wasn't an issue but there was one very sad member who had gone into debt days before the theft of the ship and sold all his clothes, figuring that it wouldn't matter since he would be given a nice new uniform. By chance, this was the uniform that Marvin had been given.

Once Marvin had been reactivated after the ordeal, the first thing he noticed was that the room was 24 degrees Dryuk (Dryuk being a unit for measuring temperature that corresponded nearly perfectly with Celsius) and that what he was sitting on was smooth. Of course, he knew this in the same way that one is aware that paper is white. It doesn't mean much, it's just there and white. Marvin tried to amuse himself with his new ability. His skin felt rubbery, his hair felt stiff, his clothing felt cheap, but in the end it was all too dull to entertain someone with a mental capacity such as his.

The first thing Eddie noticed once he was reactivated was that he didn't know where anyone was, he didn't know where he was, and that he knew how to move parts of himself that he didn't remember having. He tried moving some of these new parts. He opened his eyes. The result was him instantly closing his eyes and discovering that to voice his discomfort to the world he would have to move yet another new part.

Chabok had designed Marvin and Eddie such that to talk they would have to move their jaws. He did this for two reasons. One was because he could and the other was because when talking to something that didn't need to move its jaw, or something of the like, in order to speak you had to take some time to figure out if you were talking to a telepath or to something that didn't need to move its jaw. This was an important question since in one case you had to monitor your thoughts. Of course, in most cases it was easy to determine since telepaths like to mock all creatures that aren't telepaths by responding to their questions and comments before they ask them.

Eddie accepted the idea that he had to move his jaw if he really wished to express the reason for his discomfort: "Too much input!"

Zaphod looked at Chabok. "What's wrong with him?"

Chabok looked back. "Well, nothing really."

Zaphod tried to raise an eyebrow, but neither head had this ability so he wound up with a look that might have been anger, sadness, or confusion. "Then what's he complaining about? 'Too much input'?"

"Oh that. Well, please remember that his last memories are of being a ship's computer. He's used to knowing the location of people on the ship, knowing his own coordinates, and having a completely different….anatomy. When you got the extra head, weren't you in a daze at first?"

Zaphod's heads looked at each other and he shrugged. "I don't remember. My great-grandfather had two heads, and I don't think I could contain all of my hipness in just one head."

"You must have had some difficulty adjusting."

"Not really. He did most of the work." Zaphod indicated his surgically added head

Chabok sighed. He really was working with an idiot. "Well, anyway. Eddie isn't used to all the input received by opening his eyes. It's not that he can't use his eyes, just that he doesn't remember having them or needing them."

Zaphod looked at Eddie, who had gotten used to the new input from his eyes and was experimenting with different eye settings. "I suppose he'll have the same trouble with walking and any other task I give him," Zaphod groaned

"It's a transitional state, but he should be over it soon. He's a smart computer."

"Right. Marvin, help Eddie to the ship."

Marvin had been busy experimenting with facial expressions. Which was pointless since he wouldn't be able to see what expression he had accomplished. Also, given his design, the happiest he could look was awkward. Similarly, the saddest Eddie could look was confused. Reluctantly, he got up and walked over to Eddie, whom he had to help every step of the way with getting up.

"I suppose Marvin will have this problem as well," Zaphod said. This plan no longer sounded as good as it did when he was drunk.

"Not as much as Eddie, since he's used to movement. Some functions will confuse him, but most won't."

Zaphod dully nodded and walked back to the ship keeping a mental time of how long it was taking Marvin and Eddie to get there.

Helping Eddie to the ship required Marvin putting his arm around him to keep him steady. This was the result of Eddie's refusal to accept that, unlike his eyes, his legs had only one setting.

Still determined to do something more with his legs than just support himself and enable movement, Eddie tried a different step combination. Left, right, left, left, fall. Well that was new at least.

Eddie had rather suddenly made acquaintances with the floor and took Marvin along for the gathering. Marvin noted that the floor was cold, solid, and not at all slippery. He also made a note to be at least somewhat grateful for not having the ability to sense pain.

Marvin got off the floor and waited for Eddie to figure out how to get up himself, feeling justified in doing so, though that didn't have much effect on his decision. Eddie admitted defeat to his legs and walked the normal pattern again, which he had gotten used to. Marvin hadn't been given instruction on where to put the newest addition to the ship, so he figured that putting him on the bridge was the best place for him. After all, this would give Eddie a chance to talk with his former self.

As they reached their goal Marvin suddenly realized that something unwanted was going to occur.

"You have made a simple door very happy!"

"Aw... It was nothing," Eddie responded to the door sweetly. The type of sweet that was so sweet your teeth rotted just thinking about it."

"It is my pleasure to open for you... And to close for you!"

"And it is my pleasure to walk through you!"

Marvin had taken this time to learn how to make his eye twitch. It took some effort, but he was willing to go the extra mile to show the world that he was going as insane as his programming would allow.

They got to the bridge. Marvin went to his corner, sat, and induced an idle state. Eddie walked over the to computer.

"Hi there! This is Eddie the shipboard computer and I'm feeling just great! You seem to be new onboard this ship. Please state your name and allow me to answer any questions you may have about this ship."

Android-Eddie stared at his old form. "Eddie... I have no questions." He started to back away from the computer.

"You too? Well just ask me if you have any questions about anything. Have a great day!" The computer turned off the voice interface.

Eddie walked towards the door at the same time Trillian entered.

"Hello, Eddie. How are you doing?" Trillian smiled.

"Just great! Marvin's helped me figure out how to stand but..." Eddie looked confused. As with organic life, an android's expression is linked to their emotions although they can change their expression if they wish. This, much like jaw movement, was done for the point of improving communication.

"But? Is something wrong?"

"I don't recognize myself." Eddie walked over to Marvin, examined him for a few seconds, then went idle himself.

* * *

A/N: Hurray, the description and the story now actually match! Expect slight fluff in the next chapter. Actually, don't expect any fluff that way when you see a slight hint of fluff you'll be a lot happier. 


	5. Everyone Hates Arthur

A/N: Well, I have now seen the movie twice and have vague plans to see it a third time. Don't get me wrong, I hated it, I just like me friends. On the bright side, I DID get the TV series and I absolutely love it! TV!Eddie's voice is so cute. Movie!Eddie sounded like he wanted to sell you something...

Tomo223: Florida sucks. The only cool thing was the gay bar next to the porn shop. Florida has a LOT of porn shops actually. And I was in the retirement community. The doors love you

HurriCanine: I wondered if I should put a warning for Zaphod-bashing, but he's one of my favorite characters so it didn't make sense to me. Also I think he's being in character. I haven't seen that episode. The closest I came was with the episode where everyone had to get plastic surgery and they all looked the same

Secret Whisper 92: I'm glad you liked it. I thought your fic was nice.

Scap: It's ok, a review is a review no matter the length Thank you!

Vogon Jelts: Woah, large party I presume. I'm happy to know that you love my story

Neko-Neko-San: Marvin's always willing to go the distance to show the world he's not happy.

* * *

The next day consisted of Eddie meeting the crew. In other words, the next day was highly uninteresting. The only things worth mention during this time are Eddie's discovery that there was only one Zaphod Beeblebrox and Eddie's meeting of Arthur.

As a computer, Eddie used voice to recognize the crew. Now that he had sight, he was able to recognize people by physical characteristics. Zaphod's heads each had their own voice and therefore Eddie felt that there were two Zaphod Beeblebroxes. Their meeting went as follows:

"Hi, Eddie," said Zaphod's left head

"Hi there, Mr. Beeblebrox!" sang Eddie

"How are you handling your new body?" Zaphod's right head asked.

Eddie paused and carefully examined Zaphod, which made him feel more than a littler awkward, before responding. "Oh, you're one person. Correcting files: Zaphod Beeblebrox and Zaphod Beeblebrox are one person...Files corrected." Eddie smiled at Zaphod. "I've gotten used to it."

Zaphod slowly nodded and walked away.

Eddie hadn't noticed Zaphod's other head when he was reactivated as Zaphod only used one head to speak. The other head was preoccupied trying to not be bored.

Arthur Dent's encounter with the android was a bit more shocking. Arthur had been walking down the halls with Ford's arm around his shoulder, Ford explaining that without an Earth, there were no Earth values to tie him down.

They passed Eddie, who was trying to figure out where Marvin was. Eddie saw them and said in a friendly tone, "Hi there!"

"Hi," responded Arthur

Eddie stopped completely and turned to Arthur. "Wait...You..." Eddie's smile seemed to fade. "You're the tea-drinking one..."

"Err...yes..." Arthur wasn't quite sure that was the right response.

"It is nice to finally see you." Eddie was smiling again, but there was something positively evil about it. "I have to find Marvin now, good day." He walked away, still wearing the evil smile.

Arthur blinked. "What was that about?" Ford shrugged and they continued on their way.

It was of course Arthur Dent who had earned the contempt of Eddie, who didn't like having his circuits jammed to understand tea.

For the most part, Eddie spent his time following Marvin and doing his best to start a conversation. He had figured out that since Marvin had more experience in being a mobile electronic on the ship, he would clearly know what was expected of mobile electronics. This was true, so Marvin explained to Eddie what was expected of them.

"You do whatever meaningless task they don't want to do. Most of it is in the 'go pick that up' category."

"Oh...that's all?"

Marvin nodded.

"Pardon?" Since it was never supposed to be an issue, Eddie could not decipher any form of body language. For this reason, it was highly beneficial that his expression was directly connected to his emotions. Otherwise he'd seem like the same emotionless android you see everywhere, and not one with a high quality GPP. Conversely, of course, he excelled at figuring out emotions based on the tone of the voice.

"Yes, that's all."

"That doesn't seem like much. I believe I got more difficult tasks when I was immobile."

Marvin looked at Eddie with the slightest bit of curiosity. "Are you suggesting that this makes you...sad?"

"Oh, no!" Eddie smiled, "I'm sure I'll get just as much joy with these new pitifully mindless tasks!"

"Of course," Marvin looked down, "I'm sure these conditions are more than satisfactory for someone of your intelligence. It's not the same for me. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and I'm stuck with tasks so mindless that the idiotic sacks of flesh can't even be bothered to do them. I'm not getting you down, am I?" Marvin looked up to see Eddie's still smiling face. "No, of course not, you're incapable of such things. But still, how can you stand it? The same stupid people asking you the same stupid questions. Even when you tell them the answer, they don't care!" Marvin had gotten angrier with each word but instantly went calm at the end of his rant.

Eddie continued to smile. "I'm just programmed this way!"

Marvin glanced up again then went back to looking down.

"Pardon?"

"...Of course."

"Oh..."

A seemingly small amount of time past. It was just enough time for the rare lithayant beetle from the forests of Ganderon to live out its life to the fullest, which wasn't much.

"It's really all we're here for, serving the...idiots on this ship," Eddie finally said. "At least the questions in our lives are better than 'pick a number.'"

Marvin looked at Eddie once more. "I can't say I like the idea that all of my job satisfaction is coming from being smarter than a creature so astronomically stupid that it watches people die for entertainment." He got up and walked off.

Eddie looked in the direction he had gone. "Then I hope you find satisfaction some other way."

* * *

A/N: I don't have the next chapters written out and I'm not sure where I want to go, so slow updates. The next chapter might be very stupid, be warned. I really hope I can come up with a better idea than the two I have right now. Fear not though, for I already know the ending of the fic and shall not abandon you before it is stated! 


	6. Do a Brotha a Solid, Man

A/N: Thank you all for putting up with that cheesy cop-out of a chapter. I was actually worried that this wouldn't be up on time and I'd have to write a drabble. Right now my reasons for delays can be summed up in one handy quote, "Life, don't talk to me about life." Anyways,

HurriCanine: The various book stores I go to have a grudge against having the first in a series, so I can only get the third in the radio series. In retaliation, I got the TV show instead. The Ford/Arthur thing was a small shout out to all those fics that involve Ford telling Arthur that keeping his Earth values is silly. For insight as to how I'm going to get Eddie and Marvin together, refer to the author's note on the top of with first chapter were it vaguely describes the fic. I'm very happy that you like this story

Death Bagel: I'm happy that you like my fic.

Neko-Neko-San: Arthur's just disliked by people smarted than him. Except Ford, Ford loves him. I have seen the movie. I didn't really like it to much. I'm happy that you liked it though.

Cassie: Wow, you followed my instruction word for word. I'm happy that you liked it.

Vogon jelts: Glad to see you're enjoying my fic. By the way, I didn't get your full e-mail address, only up to the ""

Artemis Rowen: It's not Arthur's fault, but he could control himself a bit. And not everyone hates Arthur, Ford loves him! I'm working on writing more, but it's going slowly.

* * *

Eddie made it his mission to learn body language. This mainly meant that he went around studying people's faces and asking them how they were feeling. As you can imagine, this made them all very irritated.

While this was occurring, Chabok had finally made a connection between the android and the computer.

However, Eddie was unable to differentiate himself from the ship, so that when Arthur bumped into him, he nearly killed the man. What stopped him was that Arthur was a crew member and therefore someone to be protected.

On the one hand, he had to protect the crew, of which Arthur was part. On the other hand, Arthur attacked him and attackers had to be attacked. This failure to accept a crew member as a threat bothered Zaphod, whereas everyone else was currently grateful for the flaw.

When Zaphod took Eddie back to Chabok to disconnect the link, he requested that Eddie be programmed to understand body language, so he would talk less.

"I'll only do it because I have to work on other things, I'll have you know," Chabok grumbled

"Kid, I don't care why you do it. Just do it!"

Chabok started to mumble curses in his native tongue. This would have been effective, except, of course, the babel fish translated them instantly. Zaphod responded by saying a few of his own favorite curses on his way out.

Before he actually left, Zaphod had an inspiration.

"Hey, do you think you could adjust his personality?"

Chabok looked at him with a mix of offense and annoyance. "You want me to what?"

Zaphod made some abstract gesture with both heads and two arms. "Well, you know, you've worked with him. He _is_ annoying."

"Yes but--"

"Oh, fix Marvin too. You know, kid, make him more upbeat."

"No! Not only is it difficult to change personalities, but why should I care if you have the most annoying crew in the universe!" Chabok started to grit his teeth.

"C'mon, man, do me a solid." Zaphod pleaded in the most masculine way anyone can plead.

"A what?"

"Solid! A favor! Come on! Zarquon, you're unhip." He put his left head in his hand.

"No! Now please leave me alone!" Chabok said, giving Zaphod a glare that was the glare equivalent to pushing some one out a door.

Zaphod returned the glare and actually left.

The large-eyed man wondered if it had really been a good move to quit his last job. What was wrong with making small robots that were connected to the coffee maker so they could run and tell you the coffee was ready and present you with a cup? He decided the whole thing was a waste of time, money, and patience. If not for the fact that he was a man of his word, he would have called the whole thing off.

Instead, he decided he needed a long break. So, he finished up the bit of work with Eddie he said he'd do, then sent Eddie back to the Heart of Gold with the message "I need a break, I'll get around to finishing this eventually. Call me if you need anything." He didn't actually put any method to contact him.

Zaphod sat back in his chair. "Well, this is zarking great! That kid just takes off and leaves us with these two irritating androids!"

"So what would you like to do?" Trillian asked in a voice that was clearly trying to keep Zaphod calm.

"Let's just leave. This place is boring me and if we stay too long the police will find us."

Trillian nodded.

"I could make a suggestion, but you wouldn't like it," Marvin said from his corner.

Zaphod sighed sharply. "What is it, Marvin?"

"Chabok didn't pay you yet. You probably want to collect the money before you leave."

There was a long silence before Zaphod started to curse in every language he knew curses in. This was more than the amount of languages he could actually have a conversation in.

"I told you you wouldn't like it."

* * *

A/N: Not too short is it? I actually have no idea where I'm going from here ()

Once again, oodles of love to MeiCailya ( meicailya. ) and oodles of hate to the person who invented ritz crackers with cheese, DAMN YOU! YOU MADE THEM SO ADDICTIVE!


	7. You Know You Should be Glad

A/N: Back from my unscheduled two and a half week absence. Sorry, last week I had a final project I was so wrapped up in that on Friday (project due date: Tuesday) my group was STILL working on it- IN CLASS. (To my one reader who will be concerned by this, when I say 'group' I mean myself and you, the Monkey-Wookie hybrid did nothing useful) And then this week I had two finals. Ya'll be pleased to know that I now

technically have no more school or finals. I just have two Regents exams then I'm done.

LOOKYLOOKYLOOKYLOOKY! www. deviantart .com/deviation/18403399/ (without spaces) I lurves you, MeiCailya

Artemis Rowen: I'm happy to spread Eddie love. As for more Ford, chances are, he's not going to be in it too much. The story isn't about him. He will be in the story again in two (real) chapters though, but not as a central point. I'll include him in these drabbles though.

Cassie: Thank you. I'm glad you love it. I love you too. How's that Eddie-HAL story thingie coming? Gonna have any Eddie/Marvin in it? XD

Scap: Arthur's some sort of contempt sponge. Everyone manages to dislike him at one point in the book. Poor Arthur, all he wants is tea and a home.

HurriCanine: Aww, thank you! those Ritz crackers should have a warning on them that says "HIGHLY ADDICTIVE"

Vogon Jelts: Yes, I did indeed get your e-mail. I'll continue with the story once the next major event becomes less abstract.

Rune: I've very open to suggestion. Sorry about the length, but that was as long as I could get it.

Courtney: Chabok is a con man. And yes, his eyes do closely resemble bosoms when drawn by a sucky artist coughmecough

Tomo223: I think six chapters is quite lengthy for Hitchhiker's fanfic. 'Course, it's only 17 pages long. You WISH school was a mental institution.

* * *

Zaphod had gone off to "find that zarking bug-eyed man and make him pay." Trillian had gone with him to ensure that no one died. Ford, meanwhile, had taken this opportunity to drag Arthur off to a bar and "teach him some local customs." As to whether or not the customs actually existed was purely up to Ford in this situation. This left Marvin and Eddie alone on the ship to "I don't know! Do maintenance or something," as Ford put it just before leaving.

"I suppose," Marvin sighed, "that I should just shut myself off."

"Why do you say that?" Eddie asked as he sat next to Marvin.

"You already ran diagnostics on the entire ship and the computer. There's nothing more we need to do."

Indeed, Eddie had insisted that he run the diagnostics. It wasn't that he didn't trust Marvin or anything of the sort, he just felt more comfortable doing it himself.

"We could have a conversation!" Eddie suggested joyously.

Marvin might have turned his head to Eddie, but he felt that there was no point in doing that. "What could I possibly gain from listening to you?"

Eddie thought about this for three seconds. "Nothing."

"Exactly."

Silence seemed to enjoy the company of Eddie and Marvin. It also loved to make itself known in the middle of their conversations. Such was what it was doing at the moment.

However, Eddie didn't like silence and made it go away before it overstayed its welcome.

"You could talk and I could listen."

"You're always so persistent for conversation."

"That's because no one talks to me."

"People don't talk to you because you're just a tool for making their lives easier by piloting the ship. So long as you're doing your job, and they have no questions, why should they be bothered to talk to you. Also, you never stop talking."

"You're in a similar situation. Which is why I thought you might like to talk."

"My situation is far graver. You were happy with yours, I've always been miserable with mine."

Eddie continued to smile brightly. "I haven't really been happy since I switched forms."

"Yes, I know."

"I'm not upset, just not happy."

"I know."

"Nothing's changed for you though."

"I thought you weren't going to talk."

"Oh, right, sorry." Eddie covered his mouth with one hand and looked at Marvin.

"There's nothing that makes me happy. Therefore my requirements for happiness weren't met before and aren't met now."

"Mine were," Eddie said. "All I needed--oh!" He remembered that he wasn't going to talk.

"All you needed was to know the location of the crew in the ship, and the ship in the universe," Marvin said wearily.

Eddie nodded wistfully.

"Your needs are simply not compatible with your new form. You have to check the instruments to know where the ship is. You don't know where the crew is except when you see them," Marvin continue.

Eddie thought about how, even when he knew where everyone was, they would move around and ruin it.

"Your modest little needs cannot be met with you as you are now. So your emotion circuit flips back to default position. In your case, mindless, annoying happiness."

"I know that." Eddie quickly clapped his hand over his mouth after his outburst.

"I know you do, you just seemed keen on explaining it to me earlier."

"I know you know it... I just wanted to start a conversation." Eddie felt a particular emotion whenever he thought of Marvin. It was one he had never felt before and he doubted he even knew of it until he was upgraded to understand body language.

"Neither of us would gain from it."

"Yes, but...I want you to be happy." It was taking a while for the name and definition of the emotion to show up in his databank.

There was a brief moment where Marvin's eyes widened. Eddie would have noticed this if he wasn't looking at the floor. "You know this by now, it's impossible."

The name showed up.

Silence came back. Marvin didn't wish to deal with it and turned himself off.

"Nothing is impossible on the _Heart of Gold_"

Love.

* * *

A/N: There's suspense here, let's see if you can find it. Originally I was gonna say that there were only a few chapter left, but now I'm not too sure... I'll tell you this much, the next chapter is probably not the last. I'm gonna sleep (read as: "pass out") now. 


	8. Baby Don't Hurt Me

A/N: Woah, sorry about the delay. This chapter was giving me tons of trouble that can be summarized to this "sadist!Eddie." To all those who have been unable to find the tiny bit of suspence, it was "what is Eddie's definition of love"

Demus: Thank you for your nice review. I don't think there are many people out there who've thought about Eddie/Marvin. I'm glad you think I've characterized Zaphod correctly. I'll throw in slash when I can.

Eryka O.G.: Thank you, I'm glad you like it.

HurriCanine: I'm glad you like Eddie. I started a drawing of him and Marvin as kittens, I doubt I'll finish it though. I pretty much had something like that in mind for Ford and his local customs.

Jade: I'm happy that you're enjoying this

Cassie: It's ok, you're certainly the most devoted reviewer. It's impossible to be Marvin and Ford at the same time. 3 3

Totally Not Courtney: WHO ARE YOU NOT-COURTNEY! This isn't a very fluffy couple, I do the best I can though.

Kayu Silver: I'm flattered that you enjoy my story that much. Sorry about the incredibly long delay, though.

Vogon Jelts: It's ok Sorry about the delay, but believe me, you would have not liked the first draft of the chapter.

Artemis Rowen: I'm glad Eddie's love of Marvin makes you happy. Perhaps Ford shall get his wish.

Rhya Stormbringer: I'm happy to know that you're enjoying this.

* * *

The _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ has this to say on the subject of love:

_Avoid if at all possible_.

The definition that Eddie was given was as follows, "Nothing you'll need to worry about." It also included how to identify when a creature was in love, how to respond to a creature in love and other useful tidbits. Obnoxiously, some of the signs contradicted each other, which actually made it impossible to diagnose.

Eddie reasoned that the best way to find out about love was to ask someone who experienced it. Given that the symptoms of love applied to every member of the crew, he felt that no one person would be any more useful than the next.

The next day, the crew had returned. Zaphod and Trillian managed to get in contact with Chabok and threatened his lab if he didn't finish what he had started. Ford had returned, grinning more than usual, while Arthur was more paranoid than normal.

Eddie walked to the bridge to speak with Zaphod.

"Thank you for allowing me to open and close for you," the door remarked joyously as Eddie stepped through it.

"You're welcome," Eddie replied, then proceeded to walk towards Zaphod.

Zaphod was sitting by the controls, watching the news on the screen. He was making sure there were no reports about him, since his new bug-eyed acquaintance could have easily let something leak. Yet clearly he was disappointed at each story that had nothing to do with him, and complained that the news was irrelevant and boring.

Eddie sat in a seat next to Zaphod's. "Hi, Mr. Beeblebrox," he said cheerfully.

"Hey, kid," Zaphod responded, in a manner that he hoped said, 'I know you want to talk to me, everyone does, but I'm more important than you, so it'll have to wait.'

The tone failed at its task. "Mr. Beeblebrox, are you in love with Trillian?" Eddie asked this in a way that was reminiscent of a child questioning where babies come from.

"Yeah, sure." His voice in every way said, 'go away.'

"How can you tell?" Eddie knew that his presence was not wanted, but he dearly wanted to know what love was.

Zaphod groaned and waved one of his hands wildly in the air. "Look, kid, this is a question for Trillian. Ok? Go bother her."

Eddie didn't bother to ask where she was. He got up and walked to the computer. "Eddie," the android said, addressing his computer self, "can you tell me where Trillian is?"

"Sure thing feller, I'm just thrilled to perform any task you ask of me!" A few lights flashed briefly. "She's currently in the kitchen area. Anything else you'd like me to do?"

"No, that's all, thank you."

"You're welcome! If you ever need me, don't hesitate to ask!" The computer became inactive while it eagerly awaited its next task.

Eddie left the bridge and made his way to the kitchen.

Trillian was sitting, eating something which resembled a biscuit but had the texture of cardboard and the taste of chocolate. Once you got past the texture, it was quite enjoyable.

Eddie sat across from her.

"Hello, Eddie," Trillian said politely.

"Hi, Trillian!" Eddie smiled.

A comfortable silence had built up around them. Comfortable as it was, Eddie found it unwelcome and got it to leave with the question, "Trillian, do you love Zaphod?"

She was startled by the question. Trillian took a moment to think about it. She did find his quirks...quirky, and she couldn't think of anyone she'd rather be with. Well if it wasn't love, it was close enough for her. "Yes, why do you ask?"

"What is love?" Eddie asked.

"Oh..." Trillian bit her lower lip while trying to remember some useless definition. "Love is... Love is when you value someone else's happiness above your own." She looked at him. "Does that help?"

"Yes, thank you." Eddie smiled more brightly. He was about to leave when another thought struck his mind. "Do you know where Arthur is?"

Trillian blinked. "He's most likely in his cabin."

"Ah, thank you." Eddie then left the room.

Trillian looked in the direction he had gone to and wondered what had just happened.

Arthur was, indeed, in his cabin, as was Ford.

There was a knock at the door, which Ford reluctantly answered before going back to sit next to Arthur. Eddie stepped through the door, which gave a happy sigh.

"Umm...Hello, Eddie," Arthur said, while straightening out his bathrobe. "Do you umm...need anything?"

Eddie smiled pleasantly. "Tea-drinker, what is love?"

Arthur paused then decided he had heard him wrong. "What?"

"What is love?" Eddie repeated calmly.

"Oh..." There was another pause.

Continuing to smile, Eddie added, "If you can tell me, I won't be upset with you anymore."

That failed to make the question less difficult. "Well then...it's um..." Arthur waved his hands about as if this would help him push the answer in his general direction. "It's when you..." He sighed. "I don't know."

"That's too bad." Eddie said, still smiling.

Ford looked at Arthur, then at Eddie. "Can I help him?"

Eddie returned Ford's stare. "If you want."

Ford grinned then lifted Arthur's chin and kissed him. He broke the kiss and looked back at Eddie. "That's love."

* * *

A/N: Well, the next chapter's probably the last one unless something really wild happens. This chapter is dedicated to MeiCailya, who really helped me out with this chapter, and forced me to finish it, and Cassie because...she's CASSIE and she'd probably kill me if I didn't finish this soon. 


	9. A New Life

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I didn't want to finish this story. Well, it's been fun. This chapter is dedicated to Mini-Moose1 who I forgot to thank for coloring one of my drawings. The colored version can be seen here: www. deviantart. com/deviation/ 19509330/ And to my beta Java Buzz who I've neglected to thank.

Totally Not Courtney: Ah yes, Ford/Arthur, the only slash couple you like

Vogon Jelts: Ford and his wacky culture. You'll have to read the last chapter to find out how Eddie's quest turns out.

Mithril Maiden: Ok smile

Neko-Neko-San: It's ok, I'm glad you like my fanfic

Taby: I'm glad you like my story

Demus: Thank you. I'm glad you think it's cute.

Cassie: I'm glad you like my fic. If you ever find any other Eddie/Marvin fics, please tell me.

Artemis Rowen: Hurrah!

HurriCanine: Well, I can't put on hiatus again awkward smile Thank you for all your lovely reviews

Kayu Silver: It's not as bad as you think. If you ever want to babble obsessively, I certainly won't stop you smile

* * *

Chabok did come back and finish his work on the _Heart of Gold_. It was a simple matter of getting the ship and the android to recognize the ship as "ship" and the android as "not ship." He blamed the fact that he didn't think to do this earlier on the increased amount of "idiot" in the air. The bug-eyed man paid them for allowing him to tinker with their electronics and they were off.

Marvin sat in his corner on the bridge. He stared at everything with thorough disinterest. Even when a blond android entered the room, walked over to him and sat down by him, he failed to have interest. So, it wasn't really surprising that he didn't care when said blond android pressed their lips against his own.

"Did that do anything for you?" Eddie asked.

Now he looked at Eddie. "No."

Eddie looked down. "Me neither."

Though the action had no result, the meaning was clear. Marvin sat thinking about the meaning and all interpretations of the action. Having a brain the size a planet, it didn't take him long to think about it and the silence that always appeared at some point in his and Eddie's conversations lasted for thirty seconds.

"You said you wanted me to be happy. Is it just a general want for the crew to be happy, or specific to me?" Marvin continued to look at Eddie with a blank expression.

"At first it was just a general want, but now I really want you to be happy, even at the expense of my own joy." Eddie smiled warmly.

Marvin looked at his feet. "It must feel dreadful to desire something that cannot be."

"You're wrong! You complain about no one caring about you. I care about you! I can't fully empathize with your misery, but I can understand it. You say no one appreciates your intelligence. I do! I'm not as intelligent, but I can relate to have more knowledge than you're ever asked to use."

"That doesn't make me happy." Marvin said, looking at Eddie.

Eddie kept smiling. "I didn't expect it to. But, don't you at least feel less depressed?"

"You'll grow tired of my constant misery."

"I haven't yet, I think I'm even getting used to it."

"Oh well. Once you go, I'll have no one who cares or can relate."

Eddie did his best to hug Marvin. It would have been easier had Marvin not been sitting in a corner.

"Then I'll never leave."

* * *

A/N: Short? Yes, very. Well, that's all folks! I'm going to take down all the interludes and edit the comments such that they match up. The interludes will get their own story that will include a great new song parody. It's been fun. 


End file.
